stars of life

oh dear god the frustration

2009-11-10T19:45:44Z

So, I figured I could write on here because 1, no one at school knows I have this thing, and 2, I just made it friends only. So, hypothedically, I'm safe.

My friend the pottery teacher at school called me at the end of the school day to tell me about all the rumors that are flying around at school about me. I'm pretty saddened by this. I am also pretty sure I know who has started all of these things. So, even though my face book was a place I could vent about not really wanting to be home but needed to be, I've had to go through and delete anything and everything epilepsy related because if the wrong administrator found out about it, I could be denied my time off (even though I have the paperwork approved in my school bag). So, if I deleted something any of you put up there, it's not meant to offend you. It's basically to cover my ass.

I wish people had something better to do than go around spreading rumors about me and the treatment I'm going through. I'm not someone who sits still well. I have to be constantly up and doing something and this is really killing me. I'm half tempted to go back to work on Monday because I'm having a hard time sitting still and then pray for a grand mal in front of everyone so they will shut the hell up. I really don't want to go through anymore of them, but people don't understand that I need to be able to go out and get fresh air and go for a walk so that I can recouperate. Sitting in bed 24/7 isn't going to help anything. If anything I'm going to end up getting really depressed. It sucks being home alone and freaked out that you're going to go into a grand mal seizure and stop breathing just like you have every single time and possibly die because no one is there to roll you onto your side to open your airway.

Have I mentioned how frustrating this is becoming???

3's a charm, right?

2009-11-02T18:23:47Z

So, I had my third seizure (gran mal this time again) in 2 weeks. So, I'm hoping that 3's a charm applies. I knew it was coming, ran into the living room so I could sit down, and I promptly passed out. My friend Joe was on the call to come get me. I felt so bad that I didn't recognize him. And about half way to the hospital I figured out who he was. He was absolutely wonderful to me and stayed with me until Patrick got there.

I'm incredibly lucky I know people in the community and know that they will take care of me :)

I think I'm hitting my portion of the year (usually once a semester) where I wonder what the hell I'm doing teaching. I'm hoping that it will pass as it usually does too....

Although, the husband said he'd completely support a career change...and he was dead serious......

stephaniemollie @ 2009-10-27T21:51:00

2009-10-28T01:51:52Z

If she wanted to direct the show so goddamned bad, she should have directed it...

Odd...

2009-10-25T14:27:02Z

I normally LOVE the fall, and Christmas, and the coziness that I've finally established in my home. However, I've all of a sudden been longing for spring, the bright pastel colors, the GREEN leaves and green grass, and just green green green!

I just don't get it. I love fall colors and I love baking and making all that fun (and fattening) comfort food and I've even gotten into making soups. Like, I've started mastering french onion soup. Hmmm...just don't get it.

My only guess is that I'm feeling very overwhelmed (which is normal at this time of year) but added stress because I'm playing some serious catch-up from when I was out for a week due to my seizure.

But, there's nothing that Giada and Martha can't solve for me and I've even started reading Julia Child's "My Life in France". I'm usually a fiction kind of gal, but, she's a great story teller :) And, I absolutely cannot wait for the movie to be released in December.

And of course, my home-making-cooking type shows only make me envious for my "great" kitchen that I have all planned out in my head :) Have I mentioned I want either Martha's or Giada's kitchen? Maybe a nice combination of both?

catching up

2009-10-20T14:05:26Z

sucks....

But, I do know that I have epilepsy and I'm on meds for it now so I should be fine. And, the best part-my neurologist looks like Jeremy Piven so that's not hard to take either :)

seizures

2009-10-15T02:22:08Z

I's has them...

This is the second time in under a year that I've had a full blown seizure and I've now been ordered to stop driving until further notice. AKA, I feel helpless and chained down to what ever I do. I don't even have my neurology appointment scheduled yet and won't until Friday at the earliest. This whole not driving thing is very debilitating. People are great and everything, but, what about my freedoms? I feel so screwed right now.

I had to give up my piano lessons until then and I'm worried I'm going to lose them as students. I offered my place, but, they want nothing to do with it. Ugh...

I just want to get through these appointments and either 1 get on some sort of medication or 2 resume my life as normal.

However, the good part of my birthday/anniversary-my husband got me the Kindle with international coverage :) I'm beyond excited and can't wait to get it next week to start using it. Also, my inlaws got me the Julia Child cookbook and her book from when she lived in France. Twas Good :)

WTF?

2009-10-09T13:09:28Z

I'm sorry...WTF were the NPP committee thinking??????????????? I have officially lost all respect.

But, on the good side, job is better today :) Thanks for the commiserating everyone :) It was just one of those days.

stephaniemollie @ 2009-10-07T09:53:00

2009-10-07T13:47:33Z

I am so incredibly frustrated and feel like the only thing I can do is sit down and cry...

Today is a day I really HATE my job...

Tuesday and Wednesday (since I'm on here)

2009-10-01T01:37:12Z

Tuesday:
Bfast:
breakfast bar and banana

Lunch:
bfast bar and soup

Dinner:
just a few bites of curry something or other

Snack:
corn chips and dip (early afternoon)

Wednesday:
bfast:
breakfast bar and banana

lunch:
salad and greek yogurt

Dinner:
PB and J sandwich

dessert:
2 choc chip cookies and a small sliver of cake

Not much in the end of exercising this week-must make time!!!!! But, I got measured for my costume tonight for the show, and my boobs are a half inch smaller! :) Woot!

Just another Manic Monday

2009-09-29T02:16:19Z

Breakfast:
Luna Bar
English Breakfast Bar

Lunch:
salad
peach greek yogurt (yum!)

Dinner:
Bagel with cream cheese

Snack/Dessert:
Brownie

No exercise but that's normal on Mondays as I go until I drop basically.

Pat is pretty sick with pneumonia right now and having me really worried. His fever is yet to break and I can barely stay up to get work done right now. Ugh....

I'm nervous (but shouldn't be) about my goals meeting tomorrow. See, here's the reason why-I'm not supposed to have a goals meeting this year because in our contract, once we have professional status, we're only evaluated every other year. And this is the year I wouldn't be evaluated....grrr....at least it's Tony I'm meeting with and not Ann. He's far more easy going.

And, as I mentioned....I'm wearing too many hats....must find some sort of relief...

wow...school has taken over...

2009-09-27T20:36:59Z

Wow...3 weeks...ouch

My actual weight is up (thank you, Flo) but my measurements are down another inch in each spot :) so, I feel happy about that.

Eating today (might as well start out freshh)

Breakfast:
scrambled eggs, hash browns, 2 slices of bacon, a cup of coffee and oj

Lunch:
salad

Dinner:
We're headed out so I have to try and be good. Probably some giant salad that really isn't all that good for you anyways.

Exercise: 1 hour on the wii doing free step.

Now we're playing rock band, and I'm going back and forth between cooking, multi tasking on the computer, and cleaning...

...I must get back on track..........

ugh, memory...

2009-09-05T04:29:10Z

I keep forgetting to post...will update sometime tomorrow...err, today...

Monday...and Tuesday

2009-09-02T01:44:01Z

Breakfast: cereal bar, yogurt, and coffee

Lunch: sushi and yogurt

Dinner: pizza

Exercise-none :(

Snack-trail mix

Now that school is starting I know it will surely be difficult to keep up, but damnit, I'm determined to keep it up as I am seeing changes (thank god!) today was much better and I'm going to post it now so I don't forget what I had today...

Breakfast: cliff bar and coffee

Lunch: salad, banana, and yogurt

Snack: cereal bar in the morning and trail mix this afternoon

Dinner: stuffed chicken and veggies

Dessert: hood cup ice cream

Exercise: 40 minutes of aerobics on the wii

the hood cup is dictating extra workout time in the morning...ugh...what I do for a chocolate fix...

Almost forgot Sunday!

2009-08-31T19:38:08Z

Breakfast:
raisin bran and coffee

Lunch:
peanut butter toast

Dinner:
Cheese enchilladas and black beans

Snack-trail mix

Exercise-a lot of walking in the afternoon.

Not much more to report other than that. Need to make sure I exercise tonight.

School tomorrow :( Boo.

Sunday's measurements and Saturday's food

2009-08-30T12:10:35Z

Well, plateau-ing is better than increasing I guess...

Weight-same
BMI-same (36.36)
Chest-44.5
Waist-39
Hips-47
Thighs-26.5

So, my chest and thighs traded a little bit of fat this week. But, I have been focusing on my hips, thighs, and waist as far as exercise goes. My eating habbits could be better, but, I have noticed my clothes are feeling a little better.

Here's what I had yesterday:

Breakfast:
Cranberry and candied walnut pancakes (yea, I went out) and some coffee

Lunch:
sushi, yogurt, and corn chips

Snack:
Kid's size cliff bar

Dinner:
Indian

Snack:
barely a handful of cold stone creamery jelly bellies (they were GROSS!-don't have to worry about polishing off that bag) and a handful of trail mix

Exercise:
a lot of walking around in the morning (really shouldn't count that) and 40 minutes on the wii.

School starts this week. I think I'll see a difference in weight this week as I'll be very scheduled and not nearly enough time to get bored enough to eat.

Friday

2009-08-29T14:28:32Z

Breakfast:
toast with peanut butter and OJ

2 cups of coffee for a snack

Lunch:
Salad

Snack:
corn chips

Dinner:
Grilled salmon with dill sauce, zuchini and squash, and garlic mashed potatoes.

I worked out for an hour with wii fit and my board promptly died half way through so the whole thing didn't record on the program, but I know I did an hour. So, after breakfast this morning I made sure to get more batteries :)

today should be good. I'm feeling good-my pants are feeling comfortable rather than tight. so, I'm guessing this is good progress :) I went to Trader Joe's last night to get some yogurt, salad fixings, and sushi :) their sushi is very cheap and I can get 2 meals out of 1 package :)

I'm getting the hang of my aerobics routine again so now it's time to retackle weights. This will help me tone up more and of course get a little stronger.

Rainy day today :( was hoping for a run on the path. oh well.

Thursday

2009-08-28T12:24:40Z

Breakfast:
frosted mini wheats, 2 cups of coffee (sloooooow morning start)

Lunch:
slice of bread with peanut butter (to get rid of the shakes)
salad, and cheese

Snack:
Yogurt

Dinner:
Indian :) (low cal-only 330)

Dessert:
Chocolate bar

Exercise:
30 minutes of aerobics

The cheese proved problematic as it did a number on my digestive system. I'm hoping today will be a bit better but judging on how I feel after waking up, it's going to be a few days before this passes :(

Wednesday

2009-08-27T12:15:56Z

Well, it could have been worse. I did not exercise as I was on my duff all day for meetings for SAI (ugh, 5 hours anyone?) and then a skating club meeting.

Breakfast-toast with peanut butter and coffee

Lunch-fruit and a slice of cake

Dinner-4-5 itttttttyyyyy biitttttty pieces of pizza (they were teeny!) some chocolate dipped strawberries and 4 slices of cheese and crackers.

Had a smirnoff ice because the son's didn't have any Sam's left-boo!

So, my servings were rather small but sugar loaded yesterday. Exercise for a while today and back to my nice, cucumber infested salad and yogurt for lunch and Indian for dinner tonight! YUMMO!! :)

Too Much Info-consider that your warning

2009-08-26T02:05:27Z

Flow FINALLY showed up.

This explains so much about my appetite the past 2 days (and mood). I'm officially on 35 day cycles now. I've never been a day over 28. So, maybe it's just my body going on some new adjustment now that I've been off the pill for a few months now.

I might as well post my eating and lack of exercise for today now since I'm on.

Breakfast:
piece of banana bread and a cup of greek yogurt

Lunch:
more banana bread, a piece of wheat toast with peanut butter

Dinner:
pasta and sausage and milk

Exercise-none :(

I shouldn't feel completely awful about this, because let's face it, flow brings out a side of all of us that just isn't great. I know tomorrow will be far more structured and I won't be sleeping in until 9 again which will help me a ton.

Must drink more water...

Monday-not half bad

2009-08-25T13:45:02Z

So, despite going to Fenway for a fantastic ball game, I managed to keep the eating relatively normal. I had a bigger lunch because I wanted to be careful of overeating at the ball park.

Breakfast:
Cheerios

Lunch:
Veggie tart (I call it pie, but, it really is a tart because it's much smaller and not nearly as full as a pie) and a salad

Dinner:
Buffalo Chicken Salad

I did have a few beers and a margarita after the game. I mean come on, it's a baseball game? Who doesn't drink a beer? I counted them as my snacks and dessert (ha)

As for exercise, I gardened from the time I got off the computer with my entry yesterday until 2pm (with a break for lunch). Let me tell you-I'm sore! So, it was a muscular workout yesterday with some sun.

Not sure how well today will go. I woke up at 9am because we didn't get home until 2am because we decided to stay in the city for a while afterwards. Oh, wanna know something freaky? Has anyone been hearing about the multiple T crashes we've been having here and problems with drivers texting and not paying attention to signals while driving the trains? So, our driver on the red line (the line we take to get into the city from where we park in Quincy) blew through EVERY signal on the way home last night. That's the down side of sitting in the front car. You see things you don't want to. A little scary.

Sunday's eating excursions

2009-08-24T12:34:17Z

So, Sunday wasn't a complete loss as it usually seems to be:

Breakfast:
Frosted mini-wheats and a homemade iced coffee

Lunch:
salad, nectarine, and peach greek yogurt (yum!)-I'm finding this lunch is my favorite!

Snack:
sampled the banana bread I made

Dinner:
turkey burger, salad, corn

Dessert:
Half a chocolate bar and a watermelon margarita

Workout-1 hour of aerobics on the wii fit.

I've been craving chocolate like a mad woman the past few days so I figured it was better to give in a tiny bit rather then keep going ravenous and then completely blow it.

My workouts were way to easy so I spice them up by wearing light weights on my wrists and doing like a true step workout rather than just up and down up and down (boring!) Plus, it doesn't make me feel so guilty for watching project runway while I work out! (still haven't finished! don't tell me who one the star studded one!)

Today shall be interesting for dinner-going to a red sox game and we all know they have the healthiest food there!

Ugh...why does this have to be so hard?

2009-08-23T14:01:20Z

Measurements for Sunday-not what I had hoped:

Weight-gained 1.3 pounds (was hoping to have lost .5)
BMI-36.something (but if I gained weight, obviously this is up too)
Chest-44
Waist-39
Hips-47
Thigh-27

I can't remember what my measurements were, but I'm pretty sure my hips got bigger. This could be the signs of you know who coming to town as I'm currently overdue. But, I don't want to make excuses and accept responsibility for my dietary choices.

Here's what yesterday looked like (not pretty)

Breakfast-bowl of frosted mini wheats and skim milk
Lunch-this sucked-granola bar, sweedish fish, and animal crackers
Dinner-chicken caesar wrap, and a small cup of french onion soup with a raspberry margarita

Here's why lunch sucked-we went sport fishing yesterday at 11am. I didn't even think to ask how long we were going to be out on the boat given our late start time. I ate breakfast at 7am. So, after I caught my first fish at 1pm (I am counting this as a workout-you do this thing called "jigging" to get the line to attract fish, and it's like being on a rowing machine-I did it for a total of 25 minutes to get my first fish, and 40 before I gave up on the second time around) I was shaking pretty bad. Wrestling in those buggers is not easy! I wrestled like 3 other fish that got away-grr!

So, hopefully this week will be a tad better and I have a HUGE salad in the fridge that I can just pull from each day. I try to get more calories in during the morning and lunch, but, I'm still stuck in the American way. Maybe I should change my workout time? Who knows.

Tomorrow will bring a day in the garden with the Sullivan girls :)

Friday's feasts

2009-08-22T11:46:41Z

Ok, so Friday was strange as far as eating goes. We had people over for a BBQ so I tried to make up for it with extra exercise in the morning. When trying to be careful about the amount I ate, I think I did sort of ok. Basically, I could have eaten worse.

Breakfast
Focaccia bread with eggs (one serving-only 193 calories-not bad!)

Lunch
I finally got my salad and cup of greek yogurt

Dinner
I had a few pigs in a blanket that Kerry brought over (made with turkey something or other) and then I had tomato with basil and a slice of mozzarella (see, that's where I think I went overboard-I had to have had at least 6) and a Sam Light.

Exercise
1.5 hours of aerobics on the wii fit-half an hour with weights

We'll see how today goes. We're going fishing this morning so my workout routine will be off if it even happens today (I hope so!)

I'm a tad nervous about getting on the wii for my weight check tomorrow. Maybe it's the humidity and heat we've had nonstop for a week now, but, I'm not feeling all that great about it yet.

A little better

2009-08-21T11:58:16Z

Ok, here's what was on the menu yesterday:

Breakfast:
A cup of greek yogurt and OJ

Lunch:
PB&J, chips, and a nectarine

Snack-cucmbers

Dinner:
Zuchini and leak pie (out of the newest Real Simple magazine-YUM!)

Dessert:
S'more mocha latte at Borders (where of course I bought the Giada DeLaurentis cookbook-go figure)

Excercise-1 hour of aerobics on the wii fit (have I mentioned I love my wii fit?)

So, all in all, a better eating day, but didn't do much more than the excersise in the morning. My poor husband thought I was dying or something because apparently the heat had over taken me after I put the pie in the oven and he couldn't wake me up for about 20 minutes (thank god he didn't call the ambulance). But, the fact that I have heat rash all over my hands, shoulders (and bust!) he just put an ice pack on my neck.

one problem I'm dealing with (again)-headaches during and well after my workouts. I know you're all going to say drink more water. If I drank anymore water, I'd have water poisoning. And I do eat my breakfast before I workout and give it a good half our to digest so I don't get heartburn or anything. Suggestions anyone?

Wednesday-GULP!

2009-08-20T12:13:37Z

Ok....so here is the initial posting, and it's rather ugly. There is something to be said for school-it keeps me on a schedule and I have far less down time to think about being hungry (or bored so then I think I'm hungry). But, things should start to change today as I have meetings and what not to go to over the next few week sna d get myself rolling again. Hopefully it will get a tad easier to train myself. I wasn't able to keep track of calories, but, by listing everything, you'll (I'll) get a pretty clear picture of how much crap I do eat. And so much for being vegetarian-I could resist the two hot dogs for dinner.

Ok-no more being whimpy time:

Measurements:
Weight-217
BMI-36.14
Bust-45
Waist-39.5
Hips-48
Thighs-27

Meals:
Breakfast-a cup of greek fat free yogurt, a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese, coffee

Lunch-grilled cheese sandwich and a bag of Cape Cod potato chips with water

Dinner-sweet potato fries, peas, and two hot dogs

Desert-A Sam Summer Ale at the Son's last night.

Excersice-1 hour of wii fit aerobics, plus a half hour on the eliptical (wii was in the morning, eliptical was in the evening)

So, as i had suspected, too many carbs. Carbs are good, but in moderation. Grocery shopping is on the list today and I plan to get more veggies for a salad. I had every intention of having a salad for lunch with fruit-but, a lettuce salad with no fruit would have just caused me to backlash pretty badly.

So, let's hope today will be a tad healthier. I really wish raspberries had been cheaper this year. Kinda bummed on that :(