So, I figured I could write on here because 1, no one at school knows I have this thing, and 2, I just made it friends only. So, hypothedically, I'm safe.

My friend the pottery teacher at school called me at the end of the school day to tell me about all the rumors that are flying around at school about me. I'm pretty saddened by this. I am also pretty sure I know who has started all of these things. So, even though my face book was a place I could vent about not really wanting to be home but needed to be, I've had to go through and delete anything and everything epilepsy related because if the wrong administrator found out about it, I could be denied my time off (even though I have the paperwork approved in my school bag). So, if I deleted something any of you put up there, it's not meant to offend you. It's basically to cover my ass.

I wish people had something better to do than go around spreading rumors about me and the treatment I'm going through. I'm not someone who sits still well. I have to be constantly up and doing something and this is really killing me. I'm half tempted to go back to work on Monday because I'm having a hard time sitting still and then pray for a grand mal in front of everyone so they will shut the hell up. I really don't want to go through anymore of them, but people don't understand that I need to be able to go out and get fresh air and go for a walk so that I can recouperate. Sitting in bed 24/7 isn't going to help anything. If anything I'm going to end up getting really depressed. It sucks being home alone and freaked out that you're going to go into a grand mal seizure and stop breathing just like you have every single time and possibly die because no one is there to roll you onto your side to open your airway.

Have I mentioned how frustrating this is becoming???

So, I had my third seizure (gran mal this time again) in 2 weeks. So, I'm hoping that 3's a charm applies. I knew it was coming, ran into the living room so I could sit down, and I promptly passed out. My friend Joe was on the call to come get me. I felt so bad that I didn't recognize him. And about half way to the hospital I figured out who he was. He was absolutely wonderful to me and stayed with me until Patrick got there.

I'm incredibly lucky I know people in the community and know that they will take care of me :)

I think I'm hitting my portion of the year (usually once a semester) where I wonder what the hell I'm doing teaching. I'm hoping that it will pass as it usually does too....

Although, the husband said he'd completely support a career change...and he was dead serious......

If she wanted to direct the show so goddamned bad, she should have directed it...

I normally LOVE the fall, and Christmas, and the coziness that I've finally established in my home. However, I've all of a sudden been longing for spring, the bright pastel colors, the GREEN leaves and green grass, and just green green green!

I just don't get it. I love fall colors and I love baking and making all that fun (and fattening) comfort food and I've even gotten into making soups. Like, I've started mastering french onion soup. Hmmm...just don't get it.

My only guess is that I'm feeling very overwhelmed (which is normal at this time of year) but added stress because I'm playing some serious catch-up from when I was out for a week due to my seizure.

But, there's nothing that Giada and Martha can't solve for me and I've even started reading Julia Child's "My Life in France". I'm usually a fiction kind of gal, but, she's a great story teller :) And, I absolutely cannot wait for the movie to be released in December.

And of course, my home-making-cooking type shows only make me envious for my "great" kitchen that I have all planned out in my head :) Have I mentioned I want either Martha's or Giada's kitchen? Maybe a nice combination of both?

sucks....

But, I do know that I have epilepsy and I'm on meds for it now so I should be fine. And, the best part-my neurologist looks like Jeremy Piven so that's not hard to take either :)

I's has them...

This is the second time in under a year that I've had a full blown seizure and I've now been ordered to stop driving until further notice. AKA, I feel helpless and chained down to what ever I do. I don't even have my neurology appointment scheduled yet and won't until Friday at the earliest. This whole not driving thing is very debilitating. People are great and everything, but, what about my freedoms? I feel so screwed right now.

I had to give up my piano lessons until then and I'm worried I'm going to lose them as students. I offered my place, but, they want nothing to do with it. Ugh...

I just want to get through these appointments and either 1 get on some sort of medication or 2 resume my life as normal.

However, the good part of my birthday/anniversary-my husband got me the Kindle with international coverage :) I'm beyond excited and can't wait to get it next week to start using it. Also, my inlaws got me the Julia Child cookbook and her book from when she lived in France. Twas Good :)

I'm sorry...WTF were the NPP committee thinking??????????????? I have officially lost all respect.

But, on the good side, job is better today :) Thanks for the commiserating everyone :) It was just one of those days.

I am so incredibly frustrated and feel like the only thing I can do is sit down and cry...

Today is a day I really HATE my job...

Tuesday:
Bfast:
breakfast bar and banana

Lunch:
bfast bar and soup

Dinner:
just a few bites of curry something or other

Snack:
corn chips and dip (early afternoon)

Wednesday:
bfast:
breakfast bar and banana

lunch:
salad and greek yogurt

Dinner:
PB and J sandwich

dessert:
2 choc chip cookies and a small sliver of cake

Not much in the end of exercising this week-must make time!!!!! But, I got measured for my costume tonight for the show, and my boobs are a half inch smaller! :) Woot!

Breakfast:
Luna Bar
English Breakfast Bar

Lunch:
salad
peach greek yogurt (yum!)

Dinner:
Bagel with cream cheese

Snack/Dessert:
Brownie

No exercise but that's normal on Mondays as I go until I drop basically.

Pat is pretty sick with pneumonia right now and having me really worried. His fever is yet to break and I can barely stay up to get work done right now. Ugh....

I'm nervous (but shouldn't be) about my goals meeting tomorrow. See, here's the reason why-I'm not supposed to have a goals meeting this year because in our contract, once we have professional status, we're only evaluated every other year. And this is the year I wouldn't be evaluated....grrr....at least it's Tony I'm meeting with and not Ann. He's far more easy going.

And, as I mentioned....I'm wearing too many hats....must find some sort of relief...